My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
