I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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