Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
