I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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