the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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