Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
