don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
