I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
