Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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