I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
