just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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