If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Blood and glitter go together right?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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