My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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