Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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