i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
