you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize