so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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