And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize