Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
