You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
