We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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