I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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