You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
