Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's official drugs can't kill me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize