Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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