Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
