Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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