Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You pole danced in your parka.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
