I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
