drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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