Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize