Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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