dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
