If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize