Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Drunk is not a location!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
