Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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