does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
