Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
