Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
