Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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