an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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