I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize