One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
