Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize