Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
