just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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