Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
