just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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