My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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