I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
