real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
where am i from again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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