he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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