A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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