Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
