eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
