420 ftw
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Randomize
