if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
