omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
