fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
