Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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