Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
