If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he's gonorrhea incarnate
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
