I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
