Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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